Chemo Chronicles

Dateline: Infusion Center (Chemo Room) Day One

This is Pattie Presswoman, reporting live for the first time from the tranquil trenches of Recliner Row.

Breaking News: the recliners are fully occupied, the blankets are scarce, and Chair 3 has been officially declared the coziest corner of the room. Patients across the row are—prepare yourselves—all asleep. The synchronized snoring is bordering on “barbershop quartet” levels, though the harmony is nearly drowned out by the steady hum of infusion pumps.

Meanwhile, the nurses glide between IV poles like (dare I say? Yes.)pole dancers in sensible shoes—armed with blood pressure cuffs, vinyl gloves, and bags filled with solutions both innocuous and deadly. Their mission: keep everyone calm and breathing while handing out poison like peppermints.

The Official Report

• Patients — 1 point for unconscious endurance.
• Nurses — 10 points for maintaining peace and pillows without a single saline spill.
• Notable Event — Chair 2 lost his phone, sparking a full-chair search party. The phone was ultimately recovered… in Chair 6’s pocket. It’s the drugs folks – these are just normal people. We’re not crazy – we’re on chemo.
• Cancer — zero points. And may the odds be never in its favor!

In Summary: spirits are stable, vitals are good, and the only drama today is whether the sweet lady in Chair 4 will wake up before her drip is done. And she DID!

This is Pattie Presswoman, bringing you the news you didn’t know you needed—from the quiet frontlines of Day One chemo. This is Pattie Presswoman saying “Good day, and may the good news be yours”.