Third Time’s the Charm (Or: I’m Too Tired to Be a Hero)

Do you ever think about what you’d do differently with your life if you were given a second chance?
Or a third?

Because let me tell you, cancer recovery gives you plenty of time to design your imaginary TED Talk about How You Became a Better Human.

The first time around, I had plans. Big ones.
I was going to help everyone.
I would join cancer support groups.
I would mentor.
I would inspire.
I would claw my way back up the career ladder like a woman possessed.
I would be wonderful. I would be awesome. I would be in great shape and radiate purpose and gratitude and probably some kind of soft glow.

I was going to be worthy of my second chance.

And honestly? I did some of that.
But then I went back to work.
And had bills.
And needed groceries.
And liked sleeping.
And eventually realized that being alive and paying your mortgage takes up a shocking amount of time.

So I settled into regular life.
Not heroic life.
Just… life.
And I was happy enough to be breathing and functional without needing to save the world before lunch.

Fast forward 22 years.

Here we are again.
Another chance.
My third chance.

Only now I’m 69, not 47, and I can say with confidence that I no longer wish to conquer anything—especially the business world. I do not want to climb ladders. I do not want to mentor (no offense). And I definitely do not want to be wonderful and awesome in any way that requires pants with buttons or sustained enthusiasm.

This time around, my definition of wonderful has… evolved.

I want to be wonderful in the low-energy, high-peace way.
The sit-down-frequently way.
The spreads calm instead of ambition way.

I want to visit family and friends.
I want to swim with manatees and dolphins (both of whom seem to have life figured out).
I want to walk through nature and marvel—marvel—at how beautiful and quiet it can be.
I want to sit on my dock, watch the geese do whatever judgmental thing geese do, listen to birds, and feel at peace.

No glow.
No mission statement.
No inspirational hashtag.

Just… peace.

And I honestly don’t know if this shift is because I’m older, or wiser, or finally learned that rest is not a moral failure.

Or maybe I’m just tired.

But if this is what my third chance looks like, I think I’ll take it.